Cold and Numb
I’m shivering. It’s cold and lonely. I close my eyes and think of a party I once had; my friends around talking and joking. I’m shivering, and I think, love plus hate equals zero. My hands, crisp, find it hard to type; the right keys evade my fingers, and I hit the delete key often. That key is big and comfortable. Outside, under the winter clouds, I blow smoke like a dragon, and wish I were one. In my stomach, there's a hole burned, and it pulls on my throat, my tongue, my breath. If I close my eyes and visualize hard enough, I can see my left arm amputated. An emotional replacement. At the office, I need to relax and let go, then magic happens. Like playing music. Not fifth grade piano lessons, though. George W. Bush says, "Pundit," and I feel pathetic having to look up the meaning. Coffee, one sugar packet, a dash of Half&Half. I'll Craigslist for someone hawking Happiness. At the least, I should be able to find a pundit specializing in happiness. When traveling, don't plan everything. The best memories come when you're seeking a hotel room at 11PM, on a holiday weekend, you don't speak the language, it's raining, and there's a 36 pound backpack on your shoulders. There's a bug dancing on a puddle near my feet. Ripples vibrate out from its waterskates. It's December and I'm cold and lonely. Gas is expensive, and I live far away from everything fun. In my head, there's a neuron firing, and I'm sure it's supposed to do something. Black Friday. Hump Day. College Night. A Bachelor of Arts in everything that doesn't matter. A Bachelor of Science in what they say does. A PhD in Escapism. My time is worth the cost of a BigMac to a 5-year-old Zambian boy. I wear the same shirts I wore in High School. Calculate the speed of Change by adding the number of shoes you've worn in, minus the number of shoes you've bought needing something different. If it's a negative number, you need to move. Force Change. Or just go buy it on Craigslist. How many spam e-mails does it take to find a friend? The good music begins, and I sit back. Coffee in hand, it warms my mouth, and for the next five minutes, I’m okay.
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Have a good weekend!
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